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The Doctor I know, it’s been a while. This posting is rather impromptu – due to some recent events elsewhere and a way to keep a ‘channel’ open, so to speak.  But , this particular thread can serve the purpose for just off topic, general “how are you feeling/doing” kind of on going conversation.  Many of the other threads have gone ‘off topic’ into personal events, so again this thread can be that “one place” to just jump in ‘open forum’ style.

So, what’s yer problem? Or your praise?  For those unfamiliar and wondering who’s that in the pic – it’s “The Doctor” from the series “Star Trek Voyager”(off air now). He was a rather “to the point” character, and a comedy relief. I liked his style  🙂

Well, chime in …

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Love Jesus, Hate church?

Love Jesus, hate church…how can this be?  I remember this thought when it first broached my conscience , “How could I think such a thing! Why …akin to blasphemy!”  Even though a believer thinking this at the time ,being raised a pre-Vatican II Catholic instilled a ‘reverence'(more like fear) for the ‘edifice and organisation’. And that’s what I write about here ,not “The Church” (uppercase C) -our Saviour’s Body; but organised “church” (lowercase c). Some call it ‘religiosity’, ‘Pharisaical-ism’ or ‘churchianity’ – no matter which term you choose it’s really a distinct distaste for man’s attempts to ‘assist’ (add to/regulate) His grace that He freely gives.

This next clip has been out there for a year now, surprised I missed it, the young man puts it succinctly in a poem, enjoy! :

 

 

 

 

 

Towne Crier Part Deux

As I mentioned in the first “Towne Crier” I would leave the comment pages on ‘infinity’ til a time in the future when requests to do otherwise surface or it becomes burdensome. Well, that future day has arrived and both former and latter come into play. Page lengths are now at 50 top comments per page-all threads. For those who may not know/realise an initial comment becomes the “top comment” and all replies to a comment go directly underneath that comment,and replies can go 10 deep.
Hope this helps those who still like to post here not having to scroll your scroll wheel off!

🙂

Altered States

Hello Folks,

Been a while since a fresh post has graced these pages!

This one is a little different, a contribution from another poster on Topix who goes by the name of “Just A Wet Sock”(JAWS). It concerns something I’ve been thinking about and have seen others express also – how much “virtual world” is too much?  I occasionally play an online game “War2Glory”- it consists of building cities ,rising in rank(your officer) and raising armies to defend cities and war against others-on your own or in an alliance(with other players). They have a chat forum on the screen page of ‘play’ . I’ve begun to notice many of the same people on at any given time, and chatting as if this we’re their “reality”. Now I know one can project and get caught up in the moment,but many there seem to “eat and drink” this game. Some coming on  claiming “only a couple hours of sleep…gotta check my cities!”Also ,one can purchase items in the “Military Shop” to enhance your cities or armies performance. Some I find are spending  big bucks(according to their own admission), and those whose work include being online have post being threatened with firing due to being caught playing on work hours. Can you say ,”addiction”?

Without further ado, here’s a take from Topix poster “JAWS” that we shall know from herein as ‘John’

—————————————————————————————-

Hello Senecus,
I’ve just been doing the washing up with it in mind that I would come and put a reply in to your post.
What would it be like if all people in the world were to live their lives for posting on Internet forums, such as this one? Social interaction would be lost, and members of the same family would cease to know each other, because they would cease spending time together. They would become alienated. What too of friendships outside of the comforts of home? Each person living as though an Island, preferring to post to people who might live thousands of mile away.
I put something in this post, deleted it, and something is telling me to put it back in again.
What life have I been spared? Who knows apart from God?

In the days, weeks, and months that followed the night I met Jill, I used to tell myself I couldn’t possibly love her. I knew I liked her very much and that I loved her looks. For a long time that was as much as I was prepared to tell her. I can remember having very confused feelings about her. I used to tell myself I just didn’t know her well enough. I didn’t want to be carried away by some kind of infatuation. At the same time, it was an infatuation I didn’t want to have come to an end. When did I really come to love the person that is her? I don’t know. I really don’t and I probably never will know.
I have always understood love to be a fruit, and as such a growing thing rather than something that is suddenly just there. Beginning as a seed that needs nurturing with care.
I can’t put my arms round a computer, and there is no hair to brush away from the eyes. It’s very cold really and just doesn’t compare.
This computer doesn’t get viruses. It is Linux and uses Unbuntu. No colds no flu.
When it is poorly, I can’t really love it better. A part might need replacing now and again. Taken out for a replacement and binned. This is our second computer. The first one died, having lived a good life, and isn’t missed.

A few weeks in to the relationship, I can remember telling Jill that if she wanted to go out with other guys that was Ok by me. At the same time I let her know I was content to just be with her. She gave me the reply I wanted though.
There always has been just her. There is something very repulsive about the idea of being unfaithful to her. I just couldn’t. I’m not just saying that because there is a good chance Christine will read the post. I couldn’t hurt Christine either. I would hurt too.
My feelings towards my family is my measure to having the correct attitude of heart towards Christ my Saviour. That’s how I know I can’t be wrong. Love says it.

God bless.

John

STUCK IN THE MIDDLE

I wonder sometimes why it is so easy for some to be so sure in their faith…whether that faith is a belief  that God exists…or…whether he doesn’t.

 

I am envious actually…knowing with no uncertainty what one believes.

 

There are some of us that each and every day of our lives we struggle to know what it is we believe…what we have faith in…what is truth for ourselves.

 

It is a struggle…

 

Neither side makes sense…

 

For the Christian…we stuck-in-the-middle people are the worst of the worst…so I have been told…luke warm they call us!

 

For the non-Christian…we stuck-in-the middle people are the worst of the worst…so I have been told…just can’t give up on the delusion!

 

Another thought just occurred to me though. Do any of you ever feel as if you are stuck trying to give an answer to someone like me…in other words…stay true to your faith but not say something that might offend me…well…someone like me…because we all know…I never get offended! LOL

 

What I am asking is…in your relationships with people outside the faith…do you ever feel as if maybe you are compromising your faith in order to not step on toes?

 

I feel that way at times during some conversations…I sometimes don’t voice my opinion on something to avoid stepping on the toes of my Christian friends…(well…there is Deb’s toes…I stomp hers every once in a while!)

 

🙂

 

There are times that I wish that I could just truly say what I think…yet I know what will follow most of the time…”You’re going to hell”…”die believing that”…”criticizing Christianity”…

 

I don’t know…maybe the two sides are so different that there can never be any understanding…though us stuck-in-the-middle people just keep trying.

I moved this over here for you Irrira not because I felt as if I needed to hide my feelings or emotions but simply because I know that I am controversial on WSJLM. Many there are not capable of even attempting to see life through the eyes of another. Some there tolerate these strange thoughts that I have…only a few will embrace me and all of my strangeness. Yes…I admit I am strange…I embrace it…and I am not afraid to use it! LOL

[QUOTE who=”Peace_Warrior”]((( ANNIR J )))

I am posting one of your songs too – or was it Ham’s – either way, with you working with the children as you do… it seems to me “there are none so blind than those who cannot see” YOUR heart my sister. I have said it before, and will say it again… we could ALL take a lesson out of your heart… it is so wide open to share.

NoBody’s Child

Love you always…

PW – Irrira

<quoted text>

<quoted text>

Please also stay safe in those storms, and take care of you too![/QUOTE]

Thank you Irrira. As I listened to this song I thought about a student I had one time. He had spent his time in my classroom and was ready to be sent back to his regular one. His teacher called and asked if I could figure out a way to keep him for a few more days…she just wasn’t in the mood to fool with him.

Technically I could find no reason to keep him…he had fulfilled the requirements. I found a way though to manipulate the paper work which I probably shouldn’t have done…I just couldn’t send him back to where he wasn’t wanted.

Someone asked me once why I worked with these kids…the answer was pretty simple…because God had blessed me with a child that was in a sense exactly what I needed at that time in my life. A child that was unplanned, not wanted and was supposedly an impossibility. What did I know? LOL

The job of working with these kids had been offered to me. I didn’t want that job. I knew that it would be hard not only emotionally but physically. I had subbed in their classroom a few times and had come home emotionally drained and literally with bruises all over me! I just didn’t think that I could do it.

I was sitting and watching my son play. He was bright, talented and well-behaved…and I loved him unconditionally. Tears started rolling down my face thinking about the cruel world that he would one day have to face all on his own. It was then when I knew that I couldn’t not take that job…if by chance I could make this world a little better place for him…keep him safe from maybe just one person by changing the life of even one child…I owed it to him.

It goes beyond that though. It is the labeling of people. It is the shunning of those that might be different…those people that are made to feel less worthy as if their lives are not as valuable as someone elses. People think that we should be cut from the same cookie cutter of life that they have been…we must conform to what they think is acceptable.

We judge…we criticize…and we condemn. All based on our own perception of life as if that is the only “true” perception. We fear that which we don’t understand and are too afraid to open ourselves up to understanding…to accept the possibility that it is okay to be different.

Instead of embracing diversity…learning from it…allowing that diversity to help us grow we shut ourselves off from it. We are afraid to see life from someone else’s perspective as if we were to acknowledge it that it will somehow make our own a little less viable. So we stay hidden in our own view of the world. We seem content to stay with the familiar and close off…possibilities.

Much like yourself Irrira…I knew that I was different as a child. I knew that I didn’t think as those around me. I thought that there was something wrong with me…why couldn’t I see things as others saw them. The only time that I ever felt complete was when I was out walking the fields…all alone…just me…nature…and God.

There came a point in my life that I put all of that strangeness…uniqueness about me aside and tried to be normal for a lack of a better word…I was never happy…but once there…life kept me there. I couldn’t get back out. So here I sit now…trying to find that little girl of the fields…trying to give her life back to her. It has been a long slow process…at times one that I have wanted to give up on.

I look back on that little girl now and I know that she is who God intended for me to be. Maybe the trying to be “normal” was a necessary step to get to where I am now. I don’t know…I sometimes feel regret for all those many years of trying to be something that I am not. Yet..without that experience..without those lessons I learned…I don’t think that I would be sitting here now opening up the very depth of my soul to you.

As a child I never shared my thoughts…I thought that because I was different…that they should be kept hidden away…not worth sharing…no one would want to hear them. As an adult trying to be “normal”…I was afraid that people would think that I was strange…which I am! LOL

Up until a couple of years ago…I never wrote…never put my thoughts on paper. Didn’t think that I could…nothing ever made sense. I know now that it was because I was trying to write from head…instead of my heart.

So enough for now…more later…there is always more later!

Ok, as I said in the first “Towne Crier” ,that once a consensus is reached after a short feedback or “voting ” period , a decision would be reached and posted.

Well ,ahem, this is it : it seems most who weighed in like to have less pages to “flip through ” so

Page Length at this time for each post will be infinite,until at such a time posts being scrolled through are

no longer relevant to current discussion, or a majority inform me it’s becoming laborious to scroll through

past postings.

 

I actually have it set this way on some other blogs and most seem to appreciate their words aren’t “dead and buried ” to any newcomers who happen along.

I would suggest to all to sign up for the “Email Alerts” when a comment or reply is add,it makes it easier to keep up and find later on.

Thanks for the imput!

🙂

INSECURITIES

Most of you know that I have a story for about everything…cute little stories about life’s little lessons. I have shared a lot of those with some of you over the past year and half…usually because of some word that one of you spoke that triggered a thought…a memory…

John has given us this place where we are among friends…safe to share maybe an even deeper side of ourselves…a place where we can trust that our words won’t be torn and shredded by those that can’t seem to find their hearts long as well any compassion. So I thought it was time to dig a little deeper into my stories and share a bit more…another side…of who I am.

What follows is a side of me that I struggle with daily…I have for most of my life…as far back as I can remember. These words do not define me but they are a part of me just as much as my love for music, love for people…my determination to survive…plus that sassy mouth that gets me in trouble at times.

These words have been hidden away…written and kept in a safe place…just waiting for when I knew that time was right to share them. By sharing them with you here…I hope that if any of you find a bit of yourself in them you will know…you are not alone.

INSECURITIES

Insecurities have a life of their own…living, breathing, growing being fed by your own life…draining yours in order for them to survive. They feed off of life’s daily little upsets…taking them in as if they are leeches attached to your mind…your heart…possibly trying to find the very essence of who you are…your soul.

There are so many of these insecurities…loneliness…trust…self-image…worthiness…abandonment. Which is the worse…I don’t know…one feeds off of the other until they almost become one and the same. For me…not a simple answer.

I am not sure which one appeared first…which one was the driving force that allowed the others in…opening the door to these other insecurities. Which one needs to be dealt with first? Which one is the lifeline that connects to the others allowing them to feed and grow? Can you rid yourself of one without ridding yourself of all of them? If you rid yourself of one will that cause the others to starve and die? Is it even possible? I don’t know.

Can you solve any of these on your own? I don’t think so…I think that you can begin to…but it can’t be proven that you have solved them until someone comes along and puts them to the test…someone other than yourself. Only then can you know if you have truly won that battle or if it was just a false sense of security. This is where you will find the answers…if you are willing to take the chance.

*****

These words are in my head…they are as my heart feels. One of those times that I need them to disagree with each other…I need for them to be wrong. My head is not even agreeing with itself…my heart knows what it wants to believe…that it tries to believe…so often it has been wrong. Each time being a little more convinced that it shouldn’t have listened to itself.

I feel like the poster child for the “No Child Left Behind” campaign…That child that deserves to learn…to experience…yet somehow seems to always be passed over…for the next child in line…the Forgotten Child. Leaving that child feeling as if no one cares enough to stop…to stay…to let them learn what it feels like to be loved.

Sometimes someone will stop and stay for a while…and then always to move on…leaving you with that question…why didn’t they stay. Maybe they left because you are to hard to teach…they didn’t have the patience to work through your insecurities…maybe you just weren’t worth teaching…how it feels to be loved.

Strange this battle that goes on in your head and heart. It argues with itself…one moment telling you to trust…then the very next moment telling you to believe the only thing it knows…abandonment. Yet neither one wants to believe that…both needing to believe that this time it is different…you can trust…you can learn how it feels to beloved…if you open yourself up to learning…wanting to…needing to.

There are even times that somehow for a few moments…a bit of time in your life…that you allow yourself to start to believe…believe that this time you won’t feel that pain of abandonment again…that someone has come along to teach you how it feels to be loved. You allow yourself to begin to believe…yet your head and your heart looks for signs that it isn’t true…that you are being forgotten again.

These feelings are what I battle…they are my insecurities…those things that just seem to take over…come from nowhere to eat away at me…as if they don’t want to give me that chance to be happy, to be loved…to live. You rationalize these insecurities…you know that they prevent you from moving forward. You know that you need to work on them…unlearn them…no longer giving them control of you. There are times that you think that you have succeeded…only to have them creep back in…to once again have your heart and head telling that you that it is once again going to happen…abandonment.

Your insecurities have a lot of power over you. They know how and when to show back up. They wait until you almost believe…almost to that point that finally you will not be forgotten. They wait for the small things…missed phone call, missed letter…someone being late…someone not being able to spend time with you. These insecurities will even let you think that you have overcome them…they will let you be able to get through some of those doubts…let you be able to get through some of those times that you struggle with…only to appear…unexpected…to play those games with your mind and heart. Once again you have to face that battle…

Over time these insecurities become a part of your life…they become so engrained in you that maybe you can’t let go of them…as if you let go of them you will fall into a thousand pieces…unable to pick them up and put them back together. They are so powerful that you can’t remember yourself without them…always having been there…always digging deeper into your head…taking a piece of your heart with it.

These insecurities are strong. It is like playing a game with the head/heart and the insecurities are always winning. Like as a child when your parent “lets” you feel as if you won…so are these insecurities…they let you think that you have won. Only when you play the game again they remind you who is really the best player…as if to teach you not to have too much faith in winning…it will be taken away…leaving you abandoned.

When do you stop the game…when do you stop the battle and just surrender..knowing that if you do…you have also stopped living. You have not only given up on love…but on yourself. When do you just accept that you won’t have that opportunity to know how it feels to be loved…pure, simple, honest love? When do you just accept that you will not have this? Do you accept it or do you just keep taking that chance on finding it…taking the risk of being hurt one more time hoping that this time you have won that battle?

*****

These words were not written to evoke any sympathy…they were written more as an acknowledgement to myself that buried beneath this person that seems to handle everything that comes her way…there are weaknesses…weaknesses that until are faced head on will always stay lying in wait…just beneath the surface. It wasn’t until I was honest about these things could I actually start to work on them…it is a lifelong challenge. It is also a journey…a journey back in time to find where and how these insecurities became such a part of my life. It was not a pleasant journey reliving all of those events in my life but it was a necessary one…necessary in order to move forward.

If by chance you do find a bit of your own life in these words…again I remind you…you are not alone.

The Value of Words

We have all heard that it is just a “word”…yet here a group of people sit…brought together because they know the value of the spoken or in our case…the written word.

A simple word…it can tear one down…or build them up. A simple word can define someone’s day. They can make someone feel loved or rejected…worthy or useless. They hold such power and yet…are thrown about so carelessly…given no thought…given no meaning…

What is a word…for me they are like pieces of art…letters put together to form a word…words put together to form a thought…thoughts that express the essence of our being…much like an artist’s canvas. We start with a blank canvas…able to pick and choose what letters we use to form those words…those words that end up being the picture that we paint of ourselves…sometimes we end up with a masterpiece…other times…we should not have picked up the brush. We each make that choice…what type of art that we create…the finished piece of art.

I have been told…I am wordy…LOL…I agree. Words swirl around in my head…they seem to come from no where…words that trigger other words…trigger thoughts in my head…in my heart. Sometimes there are so many words that I can’t seem to grab hold of them…grab them and put them in to any sensible sequence. Then someone comes along…some event happens…some random act…that puts them in order…then they make sense…gives them a purpose.

LOL…yes…I have been told that I am wordy…given my own little page to put my wordiness on…and here I sit…writing about words. LOL

Words…when spoken from the heart…has the ability…to touch the heart of another. God told me…that through my words I could touch another’s heart. Maybe…he didn’t mean so many words though! LOL

Prayer Room

One thing I dislike about Topix is the cavalier attitude it seems to breed,and how one could pour out their heart on a subject- only to have your ‘thesis’ thrown to the floor an trampled.

The same goes for prayer,how one would lay out a request only for it to go basically unnoticed and quickly buried.

Which brings me to the “Prayer Room”.   And it is just that,a place for prayer ,or more specifically   –   a place to list requests to be lifted up. Let’s just keep the postings here on prayer and exhortations 🙂

“Annie’s Bench”

As said in our “About” page ,this blog exists as a tribute to a group of fine people who have endured persecution on another forum thread of the same name. Many of these souls have been together for years and come from a variety of backgrounds,creeds and ethnicities- yet in spite of apparent differences,have become a “family” of sorts. And due to persecution they’ve endured by those who couldn’t see the  ‘value’ in this family,they’ve gone from thread to thread ,like the proverbial “Wandering Jew”,in search of a secure and peaceful  “homeland”.  My purpose here is to see one is provide, and if so then I’ve completed part of my mission.

And by no means do we seek to limit the contributors to the “Family”, all who wander by or step into “The Room” are welcome to leave a thought, a suggestion- and become a ‘family’ member.

With that I’d like to repost here the initial comment from what had become known as “The Golden Thread”; by an inquiring woman who goes by the name “Just Wondering” :

Feb 27, 2008

I’m human and without thinking, I probably sin once or twice a day. One of my worst is impatience. Another is gossip. Let’s face it, we all gossip and sometimes don’t even realize we’re doing it, like “did you hear about so and so whos name is in the paper” and that’s after it’s been passed along nine or ten times. Another is envy, especially when I hear of someone who has won the lottery and I think “Why them instead of me?” Laziness is another. I find myself picking up the tv remote instead of picking up the Bible and searching for the answer to a question that is bothering me and asking for guidance. I could go on and on but in my heart, Jesus and God are very important to me and I feel that I am loved in spite of the fact that I have to apologize to Him every day, sometimes more than once even though I feel in my heart that I don’t deserve the love and peace that follow. Anyhow, JMHO. Blessings to all, I for one am going to work on those that I have mentioned and hopefully be a better person for it.

The verse that comes to mind in summation is this:

But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matt. 6:20,21)

Now ,on another note, there will be several who are moderating here.  We realise discussions can become lively,even heated ,at times.  Not a problem. But when such degenerates to a ‘flame war’ and threats,those who engage in such will find their posts sent to “Moderation Hell” ,where there will be ‘weeping and banging of key board’.

So now with that aside, I invite you to have a seat on “Annie’s Bench” and just pour out whatever is on your heart.  If you come out in the ‘wee hours’,you may catch our venerable ‘Elder’  “Ham” there,seeking quite time with God,yet always open for a good conversation.

Or grab a coffee (or favourite beverage) and come out on a crisp morning, and find our “Epi” there to open the day with prayer and give a ‘word to live by’.

If you wait, Annie herself will come on by with a song and a smile. Or maybe Deb,to rouse the gang up in celebration.

Drew may set down to expound on the Word. Or Steve for some deep conversation. You’ll see many others come on by ,such as (in no particular order) –Phaerae,Educator,Lifelover,Malone,Trebor,Here for Now,Micah,Irrira,Mercy Carol,BoBB,Old SchoolGranny,Texas Granny,Baby-sister,Lele,Morning Dew,River Spirit,Hick-up and many others who wander by .

So ,  have a seat, get comfortable, enjoy the “scenery”, and open your heart…………