Archive for May, 2011

I moved this over here for you Irrira not because I felt as if I needed to hide my feelings or emotions but simply because I know that I am controversial on WSJLM. Many there are not capable of even attempting to see life through the eyes of another. Some there tolerate these strange thoughts that I have…only a few will embrace me and all of my strangeness. Yes…I admit I am strange…I embrace it…and I am not afraid to use it! LOL

[QUOTE who=”Peace_Warrior”]((( ANNIR J )))

I am posting one of your songs too – or was it Ham’s – either way, with you working with the children as you do… it seems to me “there are none so blind than those who cannot see” YOUR heart my sister. I have said it before, and will say it again… we could ALL take a lesson out of your heart… it is so wide open to share.

NoBody’s Child

Love you always…

PW – Irrira

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Please also stay safe in those storms, and take care of you too![/QUOTE]

Thank you Irrira. As I listened to this song I thought about a student I had one time. He had spent his time in my classroom and was ready to be sent back to his regular one. His teacher called and asked if I could figure out a way to keep him for a few more days…she just wasn’t in the mood to fool with him.

Technically I could find no reason to keep him…he had fulfilled the requirements. I found a way though to manipulate the paper work which I probably shouldn’t have done…I just couldn’t send him back to where he wasn’t wanted.

Someone asked me once why I worked with these kids…the answer was pretty simple…because God had blessed me with a child that was in a sense exactly what I needed at that time in my life. A child that was unplanned, not wanted and was supposedly an impossibility. What did I know? LOL

The job of working with these kids had been offered to me. I didn’t want that job. I knew that it would be hard not only emotionally but physically. I had subbed in their classroom a few times and had come home emotionally drained and literally with bruises all over me! I just didn’t think that I could do it.

I was sitting and watching my son play. He was bright, talented and well-behaved…and I loved him unconditionally. Tears started rolling down my face thinking about the cruel world that he would one day have to face all on his own. It was then when I knew that I couldn’t not take that job…if by chance I could make this world a little better place for him…keep him safe from maybe just one person by changing the life of even one child…I owed it to him.

It goes beyond that though. It is the labeling of people. It is the shunning of those that might be different…those people that are made to feel less worthy as if their lives are not as valuable as someone elses. People think that we should be cut from the same cookie cutter of life that they have been…we must conform to what they think is acceptable.

We judge…we criticize…and we condemn. All based on our own perception of life as if that is the only “true” perception. We fear that which we don’t understand and are too afraid to open ourselves up to understanding…to accept the possibility that it is okay to be different.

Instead of embracing diversity…learning from it…allowing that diversity to help us grow we shut ourselves off from it. We are afraid to see life from someone else’s perspective as if we were to acknowledge it that it will somehow make our own a little less viable. So we stay hidden in our own view of the world. We seem content to stay with the familiar and close off…possibilities.

Much like yourself Irrira…I knew that I was different as a child. I knew that I didn’t think as those around me. I thought that there was something wrong with me…why couldn’t I see things as others saw them. The only time that I ever felt complete was when I was out walking the fields…all alone…just me…nature…and God.

There came a point in my life that I put all of that strangeness…uniqueness about me aside and tried to be normal for a lack of a better word…I was never happy…but once there…life kept me there. I couldn’t get back out. So here I sit now…trying to find that little girl of the fields…trying to give her life back to her. It has been a long slow process…at times one that I have wanted to give up on.

I look back on that little girl now and I know that she is who God intended for me to be. Maybe the trying to be “normal” was a necessary step to get to where I am now. I don’t know…I sometimes feel regret for all those many years of trying to be something that I am not. Yet..without that experience..without those lessons I learned…I don’t think that I would be sitting here now opening up the very depth of my soul to you.

As a child I never shared my thoughts…I thought that because I was different…that they should be kept hidden away…not worth sharing…no one would want to hear them. As an adult trying to be “normal”…I was afraid that people would think that I was strange…which I am! LOL

Up until a couple of years ago…I never wrote…never put my thoughts on paper. Didn’t think that I could…nothing ever made sense. I know now that it was because I was trying to write from head…instead of my heart.

So enough for now…more later…there is always more later!


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